Ikea

Glance at the IKEA catalogue and note that the use of capitols throughout that word is not the correct use of capitols. Note that this type of capitol use is often used commercially and also, in fact, by myself. Note how insignificant that thought is and how I will probably never mention it to anyone else. Also that most thoughts never find themselves to be a basis for conversation. Think about the familiar conversation that is always centered around IKEA- the one where you push a shopping trolly into those huge shelves of various drinking glasses and continue to destroy the shop, furniture-limb from furniture-limb, until you feel contented in your need for destruction.

I have concluded that I love streams of consciousness. I'm reading Brick Lane which makes me feel really inferior to people who read like timed classics (and don't constantly use the word 'like') but actually I am enjoying it.

I have surprised myself in terms of happiness, I don't feel like going to sleep and giving up every second which is... I cannot tell you how good it is.

And things that would have upset me drastically a couple of weeks ago don't seem so daunting.

Trying to work out what this supposed 'leg thing' is that Rihanna does but youtube thinks that being really shit is a fun game.

It is not a fun game.

The kisses that weren't aloud and the shock of the century.

Here again, here again.

You would think I would be bitter and horrible but not really- lack of emotion and all.

To be honest.

I'm not going to deny the small part of me the hopes you won't find anything better.

But mostly I just hope you end up happy.

That's nice I suppose?

That's love I suppose.

Bloody awful isn't it.

Contented

The thing I hate at the moment is the inability to cry.

I was thinking of the right way to describe it and it's like that last bit of ketchup in the glass bottles? It just kind of clings. Disgusting, but metaphors are evidently not a strong point. But yeh, my eyes will water and I will get choked up and then it all just disappears on the BRINK. Like that horrible about to sneeze- oh wait no- oh wait YES YES- oh wait no...

It is very frustrating.

It chimes in with my increasingly passive attitude. Today I replied to

"Condoms, do you have a preference?"

and one of my closest friends not being able to attend my eighteenth in more or less the same way.

It's just the expectancy that something at some point is going to go wrong and my reactions to things like that have been too rinsed in 2010.

Dear god, I have become as desensitized as the population of Britain when it comes to triggering an emotional response.

And I am the girl who cried at 'Strictly Come Dancing' (dont ask)

Yesterday night was the most fun I have had in such a long time, pub quizzing is a definite win and I have secured myself a tin of spaghetti letters for my 10th wedding anniversary. What more could I ask of a night?

So here is me content, not irrationally happy or unbearably sad.

I think I will see this as a good thing.

Maybe when I get a reply to this text (if it's bad) I won't go crazy.

Sorry about the self centered rambling.

Apologies for this massively gay post.

Sorry if you can't read this it's pretty small.

I just wrote it and I thought it was nice.

It's important that the people who have been there for me constantly realize that they are the best things in my life, and I hope I can try to be that for them.

A Pathetic Effort.

I have been told that this is my last decision and it's best that this is the last chance.

Here's to hoping things can be restored to their former glory.

I catch irritating attention seeking character traits from my dog.

I first thought I was creating a blog so I could generally further my stalking of people but I now realize its true destiny- that is to put off writing my English coursework for as long as possible.

Today was a 'feeling bad' day.

But I found my happyness in the oddest of places.

Well actually, my bedroom.

No, no not like that you DIRTY.

My beautiful little dog decided to sit upstairs with me and edge closer and closer to where I was sitting on the bed- assuming she was looking for attention as always I fondly ignored her efforts and she full out went and lay across all of the English work I was trying so desperately to complete; where she proceeded to fall asleep after a good wriggle around so it was nice and crinkled.

And there is the reasoning for this adorable picture, which I did not set up- I came in the room and the pillows were actually organized like this. A hilarious moment all round.

I was talking to some wise man about how blogging is one of those things that really helps people get to a better place; as in if you write down all the shit that is bothering you it is in stone but out of your head at least for a while (his words which are very much true, in my opinion). We all do silly, silly things to deal with our stresses and I suppose writing one or to cringely depressing blogs isn't the worst way to let it out of your system.

Blog,

Whenever I go to write something in here watching the screen reminds me of the close ups you get in Sex in the City of Kary's laptop.

It makes me feel like her.

Except I don't write about sex

And I don't own my own flat

Or have a job

OR A MASSIVELY HUGE MOLE ON MY CHIN.

Bahahaha.

I should write something insightful...

Not going to happen.

I have completed the task of eliminating relationships for my various reasons and I honestly felt much better when I did it and now obviously I feel alone. But I do need to stop changing my mind and actually realize the people that I know I can have faith in because I have been putting them through crap without even processing it.

Fingers crossed for bettering myself, I found my feet eventually

(Gay)

First Blog...

I am deeply hurt that my username has now become the email address that I strive to hide from all human eyes.

I do not know how to change this...